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Attention! [11/21/04 @ 12:09am]
[ mood | well nicole does... ]

New lj.


it's time for a change.
a real. big. change. 



_____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote   _____leaveanote


add me?

then i'll add you back.

do it soonnnn

might be friends only soon.

who knowssss



come kiss me in the rain

bitter memories... [11/18/04 @ 4:55pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I'm so fucking sick of not being able to dance.

I don't choose to be this way.

Ms. Sheila says everything happens for a reason...

What's the reason?

It hurts too bad to walk. If I dance or jump or cheer, the people who care yell at me to sit down and stop. But then some people sit there and say shit like "Anna come back to dance!" Well Annamaria can't fucking go back to dance. It isn't that easy. I can't tell my knee how to feel. The doctors keep passing me off, it's not like I'm not trying to get better. I ice it all the time, I stay off it when I can. But it's not helping. It gets worse every day.

I can't even watch people dancing. It makes me cry. Serious tears, not lil pussy tears. So I'm sorry I can't watch you dance, or that I change the subject when people bring up dance. But it's hard to talk about. Put yourself in my position, with whatever sport or activity you love. It's so fucking hard.

Writing that made me want to puke.

come kiss me in the rain

[11/11/04 @ 9:03pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I need a reason to like myself again.
i'm up for comments.

let's seee
sam style update

slightly discontent, he has a gf, i hate that, bitch is grillin me n my girls even lookin at the wrong person, dumb skank, i love my girls, late nights n late drives, mcdonalds, football games, victories, senior night, stunts, boys, drama, girls who think they're too cool for high school, playoffs tommorrow, chill time with the team before the game, Florida Southern College on saturday, rumors, brownies, true friends, new realizations.

i like love songsss
i like rap
and driving fast

love youuuu

come kiss me in the rain

nice try. [11/9/04 @ 8:54pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Never underestimate your true friends.


come kiss me in the rain

[11/7/04 @ 10:23pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Dear Heart,

Please, stop loving him and move on. Look at what you could have vs. what you had. Like what you could have not what you had. Let go. Stop remembering how good it was. Stop the flashbacks of amazing nights you'll never forget.

Just forget all of it,

and you'll be okay.


come kiss me in the rain

You're so hard to let go of. [11/7/04 @ 6:44pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

What do people really think about you?
by Raven319
favorite song
Parents thinkYou're lazy
Strangers thinkYou have bigger boobs than Pam
Friends thinkYou're wonderful
Quiz created with MemeGen!
come kiss me in the rain

i'm telling u this song was written about me. [11/6/04 @ 10:51pm]
[ mood | sad ]

The Starting Line
The Saddest Girl Story

So it's safe to say that we've been here before;
Heart torn out, down for the count and still come back for more.
This lesson is learned too well.
Though, only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed.
Have you had enough?
I guess not because your lips are stuck to his.
It's Time to say enough is enough, you would be so better off.
You love him but tough because it's not coming back from him.
You can't win.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
It only hurts at first.
But then you will find someone to give you everything you want.
Try not to go running back to him.
So it goes unsaid that we've been here before.
Lonely nights and endless fights and sleeping on the floor.
And he's sorry, so the story goes.
It's read and replayed and ends the same way
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him

This one's about me and him...sorta. heh.
The Starting Line
Cheek to Cheek

Bound to say something, eyes closed,
It's cold, and I'm home
I feel like nothing again,
Pretending not to care, but I care,
And I care, don't say another word
Our Our time was worthless, but I tried
We started over and over again, as we let go
Held each other, held hands,
Held standards and grudges
That's when I let you know,
I guess that goes to show

Just what I've been going through,
More nights of hugging my pillow, oh
Replaying memories

Sing this song for me;
Tell me how you'll never leave my side
I'll meet you at 7,
I miss you already, goodbye to you,
The last goodbye I'll ever say to you

Our time was worthless, but I tried
We started over and over again, as we let go
Held each other, held hands,
held standards and grudges
That's when I let you know,
I guess that goes to show

Sing this song for me;
tell me how you'll never leave my side
I'll meet you at 7,
I miss you already, goodbye to you,
The last goodbye I'll ever say to you

And I tried so hard,
And I've done my part,
And not to mention most to all of yours
Try and feel,
Try and listen,
Try and think of what you're missing,
Try to look into my eyes.


Sing this song for me;
Tell me how you'll never leave my side
I'll meet you at 7,
I miss you already, goodbye to you.
The last goodbye I'll ever say to you.
You'll never leave my side.

come kiss me in the rain

[11/2/04 @ 10:08pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Excuse me mister...

can i like you?

cuz i think i might...


come kiss me in the rain

<3 [11/2/04 @ 8:48pm]
[ mood | amused ]


come kiss me in the rain

I love God, but I've been struggling lately... [10/31/04 @ 12:00am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

...and so i ask...

If you have accepted Jesus into your life as your one and only savior..
How has that made you better?

If you haven't accepted Jesus...
Any particular reason?
Anything I can do to help?
Do you want to learn more about Him?

This is not meant to patronize or to start any big arguments.
If you feel that what you have to say will cause an argument...
edit it.

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT criticize anyone's beliefs.

John 1:5
The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

John 8:15
You judge by human standards; I pass judgement on no one.

come kiss me in the rain

[10/25/04 @ 10:30pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I can't wait to get out of here.

There's so much more for me out there.

I want to let go so bad.

And I'm so close to the edge.

come kiss me in the rain

Look what sex and the city will do to a girl. [10/14/04 @ 8:35pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

We, girls, spend so much time looking for love. We miss out on self love and relationships with friends. We throw our lives aside to persue love. But is it worth it? Sometimes we have this vision of what love is and we're just not happy until we make that vision a reality. I remember shopping for my homecoming dress. I had this vision "red, medium length, plunging neckline, halter top, sparkly" Anyone who saw me at homecoming knows that vision was not a reality. 36C's and a size 13 ass simply won't fit into that vision. Well maybe we can't all fit into our vision of love. Ever lust after a guy only to be hit over the head with the harsh reality that things could never work out between you and him? maybe he doesn't like you or maybe he has some horribly irritating habit you just can't see yourself getting used to. maybe he inhibits you from being...you.
What if we spend all this time looking for this blissful love and sell ourselves short in life? We start settling for people who don't benefit us. We stop saying "is he good enough for me?" and start saying "am I good enough for him?" Ladies, when did this happen? When did men become better than us?
And when did single start meaning "a lifelong search for love"? I love myself, for the most part and here i am searching for someone else to love. I am single. And yet I am completely devoted to everyone but myself. When did I lose the time to lounge around in a bubble bath alone? When did it become unfashionable for a woman to eat alone? And why can we only have "girl nights" once in a while? It's understandable that alot of us can't stand girls but most of you who claim you can't stand girls are just sluts. It's one things to like guys better it's another to like to fuck guys better.
One of my friends said that love is: "when u have so much feeling for someone that you would do anything in the world just to be with them" But when does that feeling come to us? The last time you were in love or close to it or just loved someone, did you push yourself into that position or was it a complete accident? and that brings me to wonder can you love someone and not be in love? I think so. But where does the border end? A few of my friends agree that you can love someone without being in love. One of my friends draws the line at whether you'd marry the person or you're more content being their friend. Sok, intrigued i asked "what if you're intimate with the person can you still love them and not be in love?" That's when he took love to a level of friendship where you're simply not hating them. Somehow I don't agree with this completely. I mean yes, I agree he's right but... I feel like there's more beneath this. So i went on to ask what happens when a guy is dating a girl and tells her he loves her and explains that it means he loves her not in love. and i ask this because I feel being in love and saying that you're in love is a huuuuge commitment of words. he said:
"people can get a deeper feeling of love when they date somebody, and not be in love, but i guess if people are dating and are serious about it for a while, they should be in love. love in that situation would mean you care for her, and would sacrifice your time, and other things that you may not necessisarily sarifice to hang out with a friend"
Now that is true. I mean if you date for a long time and you don't see someone as anything greater than one of your other friends of the opposite sex then what the hell are you doing? just wasting time. Then he says you care for her, that's definately a component of love. Sacrifice. that's a huge one. How much do you sacrifice to be with the one you love? When do you stop sacrificing? yeah it's romantic for a while...but then doesn't it just get annoying? There has to be an equivalence. When one person is giving up their entire life, moving away from home or not hanging out with their friends because their partner said to there's a problem. But either way, that was a good definition of love (Brian).
But I still want to take it further. It's great, absolutely great if we fall in love, but is it so great if we search for that love? Is everyone destined to fall in love? And even if we are...who are we to say how that love will look or feel? Has anyone else had to sit with their mother with tear filled eyes as she tells you she doesn't love your father anymore? It's kinda hard. It puts a major damper on love.
Does love look like a man, a woman, 2.5 kids, a puppy and a fresh apple pie on the table? Or does it look like the poverty stricken family who can't afford nice clothes or food at every meal? I don't think it looks like either of those things. I think it looks like me. It looks like you. It looks like God.
So why do some of us all of us in a sense, spend our whole lives searching for love? There are people who could care less about love, especially in high school. For them, love, like beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. I choose not to live that life. I dream to be a princess. I yearn for that fairy tale life, even in high school. I can't wait to tell my kids about how great homecoming was my junior year. Cheerleading at the game, getting the kiss i'd been waiting forever for, and spending the night of the dance with my closest friends and a guy that i really care about. aye do you see how rediculous that sounds? a guy i really care about. is that how we're destined to describe people? "that guy i really cared about for a year and a half" what makes love such a scary concept? One of my friends defines love as a "freaking pain in the ass" and sometimes, i agree.
I think I know where love is. it's in your eyes. You can feel it and you can see it. You can feel your eyes light up when you're with him or her. And everyone else can see it. Love is exactly what the Bible says it is. not jealous, it's kind, patient, it does not boast. That's love.
The questions that remain are how patient is too patient? How long do we wait? how long do we hold on? how do we know? how do we know anything at all?

I think I've fallen in love, with love.

I wonder if we'll ever break up.

come kiss me in the rain

a magical mirror [10/4/04 @ 11:26pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

If you looked in a mirror that showed you the real you, the you inside. What you stood for, believed in, your morals, your honesty , your heart, your emotions and everything else you could ever imagine....

would you see a beautiful figure, complete with everything you'd expected?


is the real you so false, so horrific so corrupted that you've become unrecognizable?

think about it.


come kiss me in the rain

And you look at me and see nothing different from anyone else. [09/27/04 @ 9:13am]
[ mood | angry ]

Okay, so I might have just gone a little crazy and started screaming and yelling and balling...

Maybe I cannot stand anyone in my life. Maybe everything that everyone does makes me so angry. and yeah so my parents provide for me financially as much as they can but they're quite unreasonable. They have no problem charging stupid shit, but they say they can't afford my physical therapy. But that's okay cuz really i don't wanna walk cuz it's isn't that important to me to be able to stand for more than an hour or be able to walk around my school.

I hate myself so much sometimes.

I can't stand any of you. You're fake and annoying and I don't like it. It makes me so angry you all make me so angry. The things you do, the disrespect you show for yourself.

you should all brush up on your gramatical techniques. you write so poorly you sound stupid and uneducated.

I'm so angry.

I'm never ever ever ever ever good enough for my parents. This all started early this morning apparantly mom's tired of me "acting 16" guess what! I am 16!!!!!!!!! wtf do you want from me. I act older so much and now you want me to act even older but you know what you constantly throw in my face? "you're only 16" fuck you. yeah fuck you all. Then dad calls me to go to work at a store that's not even mine! Which would mean I'd either have to work with him (that wouldn't work well) or I'd go in so he could go home. so i called up mom and told her I duno if i'd get my hw done if I go in and she says "i don't care just go in" tellin me how i shouldn't have put off my hw. Should I have been doing it during the game on Friday? or was i supposed to do it at work on Saturday. Or how about when we had to go to wal mart (ughhhh she just called me saying "i'm sorry you were born into a family where you have to work you should have been born into a rich family" no i should've been born into a family that fucking cares.) or was i supposed to do it when i was on call for work on Sunday morning, when I was tryin to catch up on sleep so that I could do my hw but my parents spent the whole morning on the computer and when I was ready to go on cuz they were done, the power went out. yes. all of those times would've been perfect. i can't stand this shit.

So then i find out they don't need me (there was alot of screaming at the top of my lungs and excessive crying before i found that out) so i called mom to tell her i wasn't going in and she's yelling more and when she just called me she was crying! I guess i'm that much of a dissapointment! fuckkkkkk how the hell's she gonna be crying was she the one that was basically told she did everything wrong this weekend? or is she the one that is constantly told she needs to do more? nope. I swear, it neverrr ends.

I still can't stand any of your bullshit!

getting mad cuz you think someone's flirting with other people. it's understandable if you see them doing it but if not get mad at your man not the chik
being a slut
not being true to yourself
putting up a front every fucking day
being so self centered that you think this is about you
not caring enough to call me and see if i'm okay
oh and best of all...
being you. because this is who you are. good luck trying to change your entire personality.

oh and you. i love you. and i am your retarded little yo yo. up for a game?


come kiss me in the rain

Everyone, please check your calendars and tell me the date. [09/20/04 @ 10:48pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Oh yes...the 20th.

September 20th and if my calculations are correct, that is exactly 6 months after a tragic event that affected alot of us.

I remember March 20th, I was at a dance competition and a little bit before we were gonna go on, we were back stage and I remember people talking about an accident that day. They said Teddy died, but I thought it was regular PC gossip, and assumed he'd just gotten in a bad accident..or it was a different person maybe one of Teddy's friends and his name had just gotten mixed in. I remember our company getting in a huuuge fight, and i thought that was the end of my little meaningless world. Then I found out the accident was true... and Teddy wasn't with us, he was with God.

How about the following week...yeah I remember that. I didn't want the sympathy everyone was reaching out for. I've already lost a brother... it wasn't completely new. Plus, I felt really guilty. I've known Teddy since i was 5. So why was I so reluctant to talk to people. I saw him in the hall just a few weeks earlier, but I "didn't have time" to try to catch up on things with him. I was late to class, again. I never regretted anything more than not stopping that day. Remember the people passing out pudding, excluding people who "didn't know how Teddy ate it" woww... I'm sure Teddy loved watching that. Friendly, loving, accepting.. yeah.

So we all showed up at the funeral. Crying. balling. still in disbelief. I couldn't look at the pictures of him from when he was younger. I still can't. It makes me feel like I'm right back with him, trick or treating or on the playground or in Chelsea's backyard just being kids. I know I cried alot... I remember balling on erik's shoulder..and him crying just as hard. I remember some of the strongest ppl at our school breaking down and crying because it was an accident, Teddy wasn't supposed to die..he was too young. or maybe he was supposed to die. Anyone remember the endless promises you made about being a better person? Yeah how many of those did you keep? Cause i remember people saying how they were going to change, and live their life like they were gonna die tomorrow. well....alot of you might be smiling if you died tomorrow cuz you had a good time. But will you see Teddy if you die tomorrow? depends...are you going to heaven? think about it.

The thing that truly puzzles me is how after the funeral, I over heard people planning to go to the beach and have fun. I couldn't have fun that day. I cried at work, all day and all night. People kept asking me if i was okay and i kept lying and saying yes.

But who could blame the beach-goers? it was a beautiful, bittersweet day. no, it was a perfect day. Perfect just like Teddy.

I hope you had the time of your life.


come kiss me in the rain

100 things you probably shouldn't know about me. And no, i'm not cutting this. [09/19/04 @ 9:11pm]
1. My middle name is Aurora, and I think it's absolutely beautiful.
2. I have a problem with trust.
3. "I dream about being completely over you, but my dreams never come true" if you don't know who that's about then you haven't kept up on my life very well.
4. I love God. I trust completely, in God.
5. I'm scared of failing in life.
6. I'm terrified of snakes.
7. I'm still scared of the dark.
8. I still sleep wtih two stuffed animals.
9. Jen Casale is my best friend, and if you have a problem with you're name not being there, then you can kiss my ass.
10. I'm honest
11. I'm blatant
12. I have a nerve problem, and it makes me sick to my stomach alot.
13. I used to get made fun of for my weight and nose alot.
14. That made me want to end it all.
15. Everytime I held a bottle of tylenol in my hand i had to stop myself from downing the whole bottle.
16. i'm almost perpetually cold.
17. I'm in love with love.
18. I miss you.
19. I usually don't find myself very pretty at all.
20. I have self image problems
21. I get uncomfortable in alot of situation.
22. I love being on stage.
23. I like being the center of attention.
24. I don't stand for gossip.
25. don't make fun of people in my presence either.
26. it makes you look bad.
27. i can't trust my own parents.
28. i don't particularly care for my father
29. i have 12 piercings
30. i want my nose pierced
31. My mom wants me to get a tatoo
32. I have an obsession with making t-shirts and wearing them.
33. Im scared of being murdered.
34. i love having my nails done.
35. i love girl talks
36. but i love girl-guy talks more...but only the kind where you don't like the guy.
37. I have alot of problems
38. I am currently emotionally unstable.
39. there are alot of people that i cannot stand.
40. i want a bf but at the same time i don't think i'm ready for one
41. edit: i'm not ready for anyone but a certain person
42. I love Christian music
43. Nothing makes me more content then going to church/youth esp when it's with jen, elizabeth and erik
44. my favorite friends are the Christian ones, we connect better.
45. i like to learn about other religions and find it fascinating that other ppl practice them..but could still never stray from Christianity.
46. Jesus died for me..oh yeah you too. lol jp
47. I miss dancing
48. I've danced for 11 years.
49. My knee swells up to an enormous size when i dance or cheer or do anything physical
50. ms noc doesn't believe me
51. i'm scared of what the doc will say about my knee
52. i don't like school
53. i just happen to do really well in it
54. people make me sick
55. i can't stand the majority of our school.
56. i love high school, nonetheless
57. driving is fun.
58. i like being in control
59. guys who are pussies anger me and annoy me
60. I don't condone drinking excessive amts esp with ppl you don't trust with your life
61. i don't condone drugs
62. i've made alot of mistakes in my life
63. I want to go to Florida Southern College
64. I don't think my parents believe in me and i don't really know who does.
65. I'm not as privileged as most ppl think
66. I've bought every piece of clothing ya'll have seen this year.
67. i loathe working
68. i have very few true friends
69. I love saying "hi" to everyone i know at school
70. it makes me mad when ppl think they're too good to acknowlege me.
71. I love God so much, that it often brings me to tears.
72. I cry alot
73. Oprah makes me cry.
74. you made me break my vow not to cry over a guy, and i can never thank you enough for that
75. i love writing and receiving notes
76. I have a new found love for writing short, pretty notes that say exactly waht i want to say and nothing more.
77. I want to make a difference in the world
78. When Ashlee Simpson first came out, i was really obsessed, now i'm only mildly obsessed.
79. I read Cosmopolitan every month.
80. Cheering can be fun.
81. I experience road rage on a daily basis
82. I get confused very easily
83. i'm half way regretting writing all of this, because ppl will patronize me for saying most of it.
84. oh wait, i don't give a shit.
85. i want to be either a lawyer, cosmetologist, drug rep or teacher.
86. I want to be happy.
87. In case you were wondering im not particularly happy lately.
88. I'm ready to get up out of PC.
89. I will miss everyone like crazy when i finally move away
90. I dream about never having to wish for anything again
91. Marrying a rich man seems like a good idea, right now.
92. I'm a virgin, and intend on staying that way
93. I can't remember how many guys i've kissed.
94. Only two of them really meant alot to me.
95. I talk dirty, but i'm not.
96. I think i fool alot of people.
97. I am honest
98. I want to say alot more
99. but I won't.
100. never appologize for being you.
come kiss me in the rain

my lj marriage.... [09/19/04 @ 12:12am]
i'm gonna do the 100 things about me tomorrow, but i'm about to take some pain meds for my knee and they're gonna knock me out....

My lj wedding by chynafox
you will marrydaffyduck15
flower girlrockin4u
best mantruewalshie
you will have your last fling withmr_jolley
secretly wants to marry you themselfwavesarelife
date of the weddingJune 8, 2037
number of times you do it on your wedding night47
Quiz created with MemeGen!

My lj wedding by chynafox
you will marryjameo
flower girlgrammarbitch
best man_seductivekiss_
you will have your last fling withmegustomucho
secretly wants to marry you themselfsmoothejew
date of the weddingFebruary 5, 2040
number of times you do it on your wedding night31
Quiz created with MemeGen!
come kiss me in the rain

I'm ordering a scavenger hunt. [09/17/04 @ 11:53pm]
Something in me is missing.

With the sound of the ocean crashing
7:30 Friday evening
everything comes tumbling down
i choke back each tear the bleeds
i'd rather rest forever in your arms
i'd rather stay here then go
but i know that i should leave.

in the rain

my parents suck. [09/17/04 @ 4:41pm]

Are you one of the 3 P`s? (Poser, Punk, Prep)
What do they call you?
When is your cake-day?
What color are you feelin`?
What grade you reppin`?
What`s your favorite song?
You are a ViRGiN =) TRUE
You are in l0ve <3 FALSE
You are: YOURSELF! - Yes, you are N0T one of the 3 P`s. GO Y0U! You have your own style and personality that is impossible to label! There is not one word that can describe you. All there is to say is...NEVER CHANGE.
You are a true: Player...enough said =D
You like: )
One of your go0d qualities is: ) Just loosen up a bit, it`s hard to have a go0d time with you because your so uptight.
This Quiz by lil_mmm - Taken 23243 Times.
Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

come kiss me in the rain

I'm starting to see that I'm wayy too much for you. [09/16/04 @ 9:47pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I really don't feel like updating.

I am okay. I just haven't been updating lately.
basically everything is okay not too many extreme lows and not too many extreme highs.

i've been in a shitty mood lately, which is really just too bad for the rest of you ;-)




everyone...write me notes? we'll exchange at school.


p.s. game tomorrow come see me cheer. Sam and I are gonna be throwin some crazy stunts.

come kiss me in the rain

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